(Foreword: What one has in heart is poured out; fear of interacting with people and the due reasons are put forward straightly - Read and see if this is true for you)

Endless Search

Searching and seeking
For someone, for something
So vigorously do I search and seek
Anyone would easily say, I am not in my sense
I least bother them

I don't know why?
These days I care much about my dressings
Be it conventional or casual
I anoint my hair with oil
And my body with aroma exuders
I dress my hair
Likes to spend much of the day
With the oldest member of my house - my grandma's mirror
I look at the mirror
And say "your are beautiful"
I am proud because people love me
But for what?
Is it for my beauty alone?
Then certainly do I hate it
I have a heart
I want people to it
I want to express my feelings
But only if one would promise me
He will never ever take advantage of my thoughts
I like to speak with everyone
Who hears me
And accepts me as I am
I want to be pleasant
I love my voice
I love my style
I love everything that belongs to me
And also those who love me

I desperately look for someone
For someone, who can listen to me
I am not an all talky
But I speak a lot
Because my heart is so hard
I want to lighten it
I want to share with someone
My joys and sorrows
If I speak with you
I fear people might mistake me
My honor is at stake
Then I stopped ever thinking of talking with you
I am in want of a goody
To be always my buddy
So I cannot stop thinking of you
I will speak continuously
To let the thoughts of mine
Burst the barriers before me

I cannot but start thinking of you
Whenever you smiled at me
My heart was dancing stupendously
But because of my natural shy
I did indeed hid it
You know how much I enjoyed
Just being with you
But only for a while
I thought, I have never opened my heart to someone like you
O' how can I ever think of you
I started thinking you belong to someone
Now whenever I see you smile
My heart is burdened
Sympathetizing someone I have never seen
Or does know, whether I will see or not
Whenever I am depressed
I look at people's face
If I find a smile
I do think all are happy except me
If I find their faces gloomy
My grief increases
Because I think they hate me

I am trying to know me
Alas, I couldn't do it
What is in my heart
If you know
Tell me, please